Catering the Ex

Break ups often end badly. The worse part about them is when the person you just dumped is still in love with you. Some people disregard that fact and move on without a care in the world. Others tend to cater (sometimes unknowingly) to their ex's feelings after the break up. You start to watch what you say or do around the person because:

1. You don't want to start an argument.
2. You don't want to hurt their feelings.

When a break up occurs shouldn’t that tell you that whatever the two of you use to have is now OVER? It's so hard for some people to accept the fact that they will no longer be apart of your life. I've actually been in this situation before. I had broken up with my boyfriend of six years. He cheated (among other things) so I left. After the break up he'd tell me how much he wanted me back and that he loved me. This was happening on a daily bases. I would tell him "I don't know if we’ll get back together" or "Maybe one day we’ll get back together" just to get him off my back. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I also didn’t want to come off as a mean “baby mama”. I’d even still do small things for him that I use to do when I was his girlfriend like clean up his resume or let him borrow some cash. Now I see that I was enabling him to act the way he was. A year past and I got in a new relationship. Once my ex learned of my new man the begging and pleading increased! He would act like my man didn't even exist. It was extremely annoying. Finally my man came up to me one day and said "I feel like your disrespecting what we have by entertaining your past. You need to be honest with him and tell him that the two of you are done. This shouldn’t be going on... He is your ex's". He was completely right! Why was I putting so much of my time and energy into protecting his feelings?

I had obviously moved on but these daily reminders of my ex begin to lurk over my new relationship. One thing I've learned is that you can't let your past affect your future. I ended up telling my ex that I had moved on and so should he. I told him that I was very happy and in love with my man. It took him awhile to take in what I was telling him but he eventually did (even though he didn’t like it). He began to respect it because he cared about my happiness. Does he still love me till this day? Yes he does, but he will NEVER let his emotions affect what I have with my man. The most sincere thing I did for him was be completely honest about the reality of the situation, whether it upset him or not. Baby sitting your ex's feelings makes them feel that a part of your heart still belongs to them. Catering to their feelings will not end unless YOU end it! Telling them the truth maybe painful but sometimes they need that in order to move on. The question is do you want them to move on from you or do you need them as a security blanket?